The Real Life of Pi

The Real Life of Pi – A true story!

life of PiMy name is Richard Parker.  I’m a U.S. Navy SEAL.  What I’m about to impart to you now is the true story of the life of Pi (forget about all that disinformation in the award-winning Oscar film: “Life of Pi” – because that story just isn’t true at all).  The following is the REAL story and the views I express now are entirely my own, so believe of it what you will:


I shall begin by explaining why I was nick-named “Pi”.  It’s really quite inconsequential really, but I think that you may wish to know.   My father was a total nerd who worked at Harvard University as a mathematics lecturer (a specialist in the field of Pythagoras Theorem).  My mum just worked as a simple cook of apple crumble pie.  One day (during their really boring, mediocre lives) they decided (over a cup of tea) to name me “Pi”.  I really have no idea why they did so really. Perhaps it was just because my surname began with the letter ‘P’.  But mum would often say that it was because I was “as American as apple pie”.  She knew how much I had ambitions to join the military and serve my country like a true patriot.  Although my dad was very strict and encouraged me to seek a career in the military, my mum was a total nervous wreck with zero self-esteem.  Her one claim to fame in life was the now infamous song with the lyrics: “Everybody’s good at doing something – but I’m good at cooking crumble!”


pi2I progressed rapidly through the ranks of the military.  I learned pretty soon to obey all orders without question just to please my superiors.  Some of my peers would often joke and call me “animal” – after Henry Kissinger’s depiction of an ideal “dumb stupid animal” military man.   I didn’t let their taunts affect me because I already had a nickname that I liked, and was much too ambitious anyway to listen to anything they had to say.  I’d just sing back at them my childhood anti-bullying song: “Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never harm me.  When you’re dead and in your grave you’ll suffer what you called me…!” Eventually, they learnt to avoid me like the plague.  That suited me just fine.


aliens laughingTo cut a long story short, I will now get to the juicy details of the day that my career took an unexpected and shocking turn for the worst, and changed my life forever.   By now I had become a member of the U.S. Navy SEAL élite.  One day we were called to a top-secret meeting in Area 51. We were told that we were now facing an extra-terrestrial threat from outer space – just like how former U.S. President Ronald Reagan had once predicted we would.   The aliens had the ability to shape-shift and had now established themselves in all Middle Eastern countries.  President George W. Bush (senior) and Gordon Duff (of “Veterans Today”) stated that under no circumstance must the truth be told to the general public – because they simply “can’t handle the truth” – such as people like the renowned underwater alien sceptic John Kaminsky, who forcefully states:  “Gordon Duff’s  insistence that UFOs have bases beneath the Pacific Ocean, is deliberately false!”.  A cover-up story would therefore need to be told instead.   People would be made to believe that the U.S. military was fighting Islamic extremists – but not aliens from outer space.  Duff and James Preston explained to us how the aliens had dug underground tunnels all the way to the Middle East – from their initial landing base in the middle of the ocean.  President Obama told us about how we should “contain” the aliens – like how was done in the Hollywood movie “District 9”.   I was to go out to Syria immediately to help to contain the aliens.   It was an honour to have been chosen to be part of this top-secret mission and I endeavoured to do my very best – and act in the exact same way that Will Smith acted in the movie “Independence Day”.   ufo56


warWe lost a lot of good men out there.  We fought for our lives, and for the future of our entire planet.  However, the E.T.s proved to be a formidable enemy – nasty, ugly, hairy three-headed monsters that could easily shape-shift at will.  It was extremely difficult for us to contain them because they had already established a network of underground tunnels going deep from under land and sea.   With all the mighty military air power of Russia , America , Britain , France etc., the aliens simply would not die.  Even when we shouted at them in rage: “Die bitch, die!!!” We turned many a Middle Eastern country into a parking lot and cursed the heavens and all the holy books for our misfortune.  We were even forced to air dumb “Homeland” war propaganda films on American T.V – in order to help divert the public’s attention from what was really happening on the ground:  YouTube: “Homeland – Quinn tells it like it is” Season 5, Episode 1

Luckily, the public were too Islamophobic to bother to research for any truth at all, and happily swallowed our entire bullshit official government propaganda story without question.


During my time fighting aliens in the Middle East , I became a hardened man and questioned the very existence of God.  Could God really exist if aliens existed – didn’t that contradict the teachings of the Bible?  I said prayers from all the major religions in the hope that the answer would finally come to me.  One particularly stormy night, I yelled to the heavens: “I surrender!! What more do you want from me God! What!! Why hast Thou forsaken me? Why, why, why!!….Not me, not me, not me…!”  However, one day (after a particularly tiring and bloody day fighting slimy green aliens), I happened to watch the Catholic Pope on T.V. talking about how we should welcome aliens if they ever came to our planet.  His speech made me feel guilty.  Perhaps we were being too hard on them by relentlessly bombing them with “shock and awe” depleted uranium, nukes etc.  I then tried to make friends with this one little alien that we had managed to capture in a cage.  I tried to feed the alien some chicken meat – for him to take and eat from my bare hands.   Suddenly, my superior officer came up from behind me, threw me aside and yelled that I had nearly gotten my hand bitten off by the alien.  He said the aliens were not our friends, and that when I looked into their eyes it was just a reflection of my own emotions.  He then taught me a lesson that I’d never forget – by showing me what the alien had just done to a goat left near him.  The alien had savagely eaten the goat, leaving a total bloody mess everywhere. I yelled: “Oh Mama! He’s eaten the goat! The goat!  He’s gone and eaten the GOAT!!!”  Seeing all that goat blood and gore left me traumatized for life (it was like watching the dinosaur movie “Jurassic Park” but much, much worse), and so I suffered Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).  My comrades insisted that I be allowed to leave active duty immediately to get the therapy I so badly needed at the time.  So many countries were now bombing the extra-terrestrial alien threat that it was safe for me to try to make a run for it – by joining some Syrian refugees in an escape boat to Europe .


piUnfortunately, we faced a severe storm at sea and I was the only survivor who managed to get back on board our boat after it had capsized.   After many weeks adrift at sea, I finally arrived on an island and was immediately taken to hospital – by those who’d found me barely alive on the beach.  As they carried me away, I cried like a baby about everything.  I just couldn’t get the thought out of my mind – of that poor goat being eaten alive by that massive-toothed evil alien.  I never even had a chance to say goodbye to him. That’s what broke my heart the most.  After a few days in hospital, some mainstream media investigative journalists interviewed me for my story.   I told them exactly what had happened but they didn’t believe a word of it.  They said they wanted a story that they could publish that wouldn’t make them look stupid. I replied that by working for the mainstream media they were already stupid. Nevertheless, just to shut them up, I told them another alternative story, as follows:


I explained how the design chosen for the Pentagon was a five sided ancient occult symbol to pay homage to Lucifer (aka Satan).  How the “Homeland” T.V. episode was all about ‘Predictive Programming, ‘Revelation of the Method’, or ‘Externalization of the Hierarchy’ brainwashing to brainwash the people into accepting an illegal “war on terror”.  I told them that people like Henry Kissinger and William Cooper (in his book: “Behold a Pale Horse”) had warned about military men turning into thoughtless “dumb stupid animals”.  I told them about blatant false-flag events like 9/11, 7/7, 11/13 etc.  How millions of Middle Easterners (innocent men, women and children) were being murdered without mercy, and were drowning at sea as escaping refugees due to a fake “war on terror”. I told them about how ISIS was a creation of Israeli/Zionist American Intel Agencies – used to create, train, supply and pay mercenaries to act as terrorists (and not just some snotty nosed, baby-faced fanatics named “Jihadi John” from Europe – who supposedly could alone easily defeat the military might of several superpower countries – like some mighty alien flying Superman wearing his pants over his trousers).  Basically, I told them everything I thought they needed to know – the whole caboodle!


Unfortunately, the mainstream media presstitute journalists didn’t believe that story either, and I never heard from them again.  Perhaps George Bush and Gordon Duff were right after-all; people really “can’t handle the truth” about aliens from outer space. But, at least, I know that my E.T. story is true.  I can go to sleep at night and hold my head up high, without a guilty conscience – because I have helped to save the world from ugly three-headed aliens from outer space.  I’m a hero, even if nobody knows it yet.  David Cameron is also a hero alien hunter.  President Obama is a wicked mighty alien slayer. Putin is the best of the best in defeating those butt ugly green aliens too – with just one of his karate chops to their head.  And one day the world will thank us all for being such cool and brave heroes.  I’m sure this isn’t just my “cognitive dissonance” making me think this way.  Surely, my first story is true and more believable and heroic – but David Icke and other alternative media journalists tell me that my second story is more likely to be true, so what am I to believe now?  Please tell me which story would YOU prefer to believe in and why?


Yours truly,


Richard Parker





YouTube: “Homeland – Quinn tells it like it is” Season 5, Episode 1:


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