After many, many, many, many e-mails pleading for truthers to engage in real, open and impartial scientific debate, Steve De’ak has yet to convince ‘truthers’ of the importance of such a debate. Nevertheless, truthers are apparently now willing to engage in an “Epic Rap Battle of Truthers!” To begin this Epic Rap Battle we have Steve De’ak verses Judy Wood:
Judy Wood vs. Steve De’ak
[Round 1 – Judy Wood begins:]
Yo Steve! Why you actin’ like ya got somethin’ up ya sleeve?
I’m a gonna make ya grieve
So best start knitting like a granny – just weave!
Why don’t ya just believe?
In my D.E.W. theory
Is it makin’ ya weary –
Like a blind bat that can’t see?
I’ll light up your house for free
With my Free Energy
So don’t come begging me for money
This ain’t the land of the slave, home of the fee!
Quit nagging ‘bout your 9/11 Crash Test
You’re sounding like a frickin’ pest
I’m a gonna kick your ass from East to West
‘cause Mama knows best
So put your stupid Crash Test to rest!
I study hurricanes and toasted cars
You study marks in da Twin Tower’s scars
Like a dumb alien from Planet Mars
Who’s gotten drunk in all the clubs and bars?
I’m a gonna make ya run
From here to kingdom come
I’ll be havin’ lots of fun –
Acting the Wicked Witch freak turned Goody Nun
I’m a gonna make ya bake in the sun
Testing your missiles, or your big gun
Better work hard – ‘you’re gettin’ a kick up the bum!
‘cause I’ve got somethin’ in the oven and it ain’t a bun
Like Directed Energy Weapons by the ton
So weep little wimp ‘cause I is already won!
As you prove wet metal can rust
My D.E.Ws turn Twin Towers to dust
So hands up! This is a bust!
Poor Pablo Novi’s so full of lust
Where’s your partner now – the one ya can trust?
Better start searching in the dust
Dig deep in the Earth’s crust
Seriously, do it now – ya really must!
[Steve De’ak’s reply:]
Yo, slow down! You stupid witch clown!
Before I smack ya all over town
You’re making me frown
I’m the verb, you’re the noun
‘cause I be doin’ stuff – I’m a doer, unlike you
D.E.Ws – is that one or two?
See! Ya haven’t gotta clue!
Go fetch doggy witch – go get ya ruby shoe
‘cause your theory stinks like poo
You’re findin’ hurricanes in your witch’s brew
That can’t even pick up a screw
So quit screechin’: “Where’s ‘em towers …where’s the loo?!”
Yeah Judy, the Twin Towers did indeed “go”
So sorry if ya missed da show
But now ya just gotta go with the flow
And stop acting like you’re “in the know”
Judy Wood is up to no good
With her homies down in da hood
I’m studying missiles – like a Scud
But you’re lookin’ for a hurricane flood –
Down in a river of murky mud!
Stop acting like the Wicked Witch of the West
The only thing that scares me is da hair on your chest
Bulgin’ like monsters from your vest
Your hair’s like a bird’s nest
You’d better give it a rest
‘cause I’m the best
And nothin’ beats my 9/11 Crash Test!
[Judy Wood replies:]
Springy Steve thinks he’s Spider Man
Doin’ whatever a spider can
Well guess what? I’m not even your fan
You’re sickly white, so better get a tan
Pretending to be Obama screeching: “Yes we can!” –
Let’s reverse that: “Thank you, Say Tan!”
Better do something quick, ya silly ole man
Before ya turn pink like a fish in a can
You think you can count to two
Just ‘cause a spider happened to bite you
All ya ever do is act like ya got the flu
I’m a gonna turn ya black ‘n’ blue
‘cause ya ain’t got a clue
My theory is fool proof – yeah, that’s true!
I’m defying gravity
With my Free Energy
So spectacular, it remains a mystery
To everyone but me
You’re acting like a stupid bully
Then running to Fetzer screaming: “Help me, save me!”
So pathetic, ya make me sick
Thinking a missile can destroy a concrete brick
With the force of a prick
This ain’t just some magic trick
You can’t just hide blatant evidence, then choose and pick
It’s a good job I spotted that hurricane
I’ll soon be basking in fortune and fame
Your Crash Test is bringing you naught but pain
Making you totally insane
Better not light a match ‘cause it’s gonna rain
You’re test crashing missiles into a frame
Have you totally lost your brain?
What a bloomin’ shame!
You’ve only got yourself to blame
When your test blows up in a flame
Best be remembering ma name
‘Cause my theory’s hip but yours is lame
So just get outta this truther game
Before you hurt yourself lifting a crane
Sorry Steve De’ak – no-one’s got your back
And I’m just ‘bout ready to attack
Wake up! Your theory’s whack
It’s like you’re smokin’ crack
I’m giving you the sack
‘cause logic’s what ya lack
You’re goin’ totally off track
You can’t even tell white from black!
[Steve De’ak replies:]
Ho, Ho, Ho! Ya silly ole crow
Ya got your head stuck in the snow
Your theory’s so low
I’m ‘bout to blow
So suck my big fat toe
Like a giant I’m still gonna grow
Fee, Fi, Foe
I’m the one “in the know”
You’re nothing but a stupid N.W.O. ‘ho’
Chasin’ your own shadow
That’s cowardly yellow
Wobbly like jello
You’re so full of woe
Eeny, meeny, miny moe
Squeeze her, let her go
Screaming: “Oh my! Where ‘em Towers go?!”
I don’t even know why I even bother to reply to you
Your hurricane couldn’t even stir up a stew
No doubt it was cooked up by a Khazar Jew
Or with your witch’s stick when you flew
I’ll be turning ya all black ‘n’ blue
With my Crash Test that’s good ‘n’ true
You’ve got nothing but “cars made toast”
But wait-a-ya-getta-load of my wee roast
And that ain’t even a boast
When I say “Crash Test”, you turn ghost
But come along ‘cause I’m your host
Let’s test to see who’s got the most
I’ll be speakin’ truth from coast to coast
So throw your books back in the post
Epic Rap Battle of Truthers –
Who won? Who’s next?