Epic Rap Battle: Steve De’ak vs. Judy Wood

After many, many, many, many e-mails pleading for truthers to engage in real, open and impartial scientific debate, Steve De’ak has yet to convince ‘truthers’ of the importance of such a debate. Nevertheless, truthers are apparently now willing to engage in an “Epic Rap Battle of Truthers!”   To begin this Epic Rap Battle we have Steve De’ak verses Judy Wood:

Judy Wood vs. Steve De’ak

 

[Round 1 – Judy Wood begins:]

 

Yo Steve! Why you actin’ like ya got somethin’ up ya sleeve?

I’m a gonna make ya grieve

So best start knitting like a granny – just weave!

Why don’t ya just believe?

In my D.E.W. theory

Is it makin’ ya weary –

Like a blind bat that can’t see?

I’ll light up your house for free

With my Free Energy

So don’t come begging me for money

This ain’t the land of the slave, home of the fee!

 

Quit nagging ‘bout your 9/11 Crash Test

You’re sounding like a frickin’ pest

I’m a gonna kick your ass from East to West

‘cause Mama knows best

So put your stupid Crash Test to rest!

 

I study hurricanes and toasted cars

You study marks in da Twin Tower’s scars

Like a dumb alien from Planet Mars

Who’s gotten drunk in all the clubs and bars?

 

I’m a gonna make ya run

From here to kingdom come

I’ll be havin’ lots of fun –

Acting the Wicked Witch freak turned Goody Nun

I’m a gonna make ya bake in the sun

Testing your missiles, or your big gun

Better work hard – ‘you’re gettin’ a kick up the bum!

‘cause I’ve got somethin’ in the oven and it ain’t a bun

Like Directed Energy Weapons by the ton

So weep little wimp ‘cause I is already won!

 

As you prove wet metal can rust

My D.E.Ws turn Twin Towers to dust

So hands up! This is a bust!

Poor Pablo Novi’s so full of lust

Where’s your partner now – the one ya can trust?

Better start searching in the dust

Dig deep in the Earth’s crust

Seriously, do it now – ya really must!

 

[Steve De’ak’s reply:]

 

Yo, slow down! You stupid witch clown!

Before I smack ya all over town

You’re making me frown

I’m the verb, you’re the noun

‘cause I be doin’ stuff – I’m a doer, unlike you

D.E.Ws – is that one or two?

See! Ya haven’t gotta clue!

Go fetch doggy witch – go get ya ruby shoe

‘cause your theory stinks like poo

You’re findin’ hurricanes in your witch’s brew

That can’t even pick up a screw

So quit screechin’: “Where’s ‘em towers …where’s the loo?!”

 

Yeah Judy, the Twin Towers did indeed “go”

So sorry if ya missed da show          

But now ya just gotta go with the flow

And stop acting like you’re “in the know”

 

Judy Wood is up to no good

With her homies down in da hood

I’m studying missiles – like a Scud

But you’re lookin’ for a hurricane flood –

Down in a river of murky mud!

 

Stop acting like the Wicked Witch of the West

The only thing that scares me is da hair on your chest

Bulgin’ like monsters from your vest

Your hair’s like a bird’s nest

You’d better give it a rest

‘cause I’m the best

And nothin’ beats my 9/11 Crash Test!

 

[Judy Wood replies:]

 

Springy Steve thinks he’s Spider Man

Doin’ whatever a spider can

Well guess what? I’m not even your fan

You’re sickly white, so better get a tan

Pretending to be Obama screeching: “Yes we can!” –

Let’s reverse that: “Thank you, Say Tan!”

Better do something quick, ya silly ole man

Before ya turn pink like a fish in a can

 

You think you can count to two

Just ‘cause a spider happened to bite you

All ya ever do is act like ya got the flu

I’m a gonna turn ya black ‘n’ blue

‘cause ya ain’t got a clue

My theory is fool proof – yeah, that’s true!

 

I’m defying gravity

With my Free Energy

So spectacular, it remains a mystery

To everyone but me

You’re acting like a stupid bully

Then running to Fetzer screaming: “Help me, save me!”

 

So pathetic, ya make me sick

Thinking a missile can destroy a concrete brick

With the force of a prick

This ain’t just some magic trick

You can’t just hide blatant evidence, then choose and pick

 

It’s a good job I spotted that hurricane

I’ll soon be basking in fortune and fame

Your Crash Test is bringing you naught but pain

Making you totally insane

Better not light a match ‘cause it’s gonna rain

You’re test crashing missiles into a frame

Have you totally lost your brain?

What a bloomin’ shame!

You’ve only got yourself to blame

When your test blows up in a flame

Best be remembering ma name

‘Cause my theory’s hip but yours is lame

So just get outta this truther game

Before you hurt yourself lifting a crane

 

Sorry Steve De’ak – no-one’s got your back

And I’m just ‘bout ready to attack

Wake up! Your theory’s whack

It’s like you’re smokin’ crack

I’m giving you the sack

‘cause logic’s what ya lack

You’re goin’ totally off track

You can’t even tell white from black!

 

[Steve De’ak replies:]

 

Ho, Ho, Ho! Ya silly ole crow

Ya got your head stuck in the snow

Your theory’s so low

I’m ‘bout to blow

So suck my big fat toe

Like a giant I’m still gonna grow

Fee, Fi, Foe

I’m the one “in the know”

You’re nothing but a stupid N.W.O. ‘ho’

Chasin’ your own shadow

That’s cowardly yellow

Wobbly like jello

You’re so full of woe

Eeny, meeny, miny moe

Squeeze her, let her go

Screaming: “Oh my! Where ‘em Towers go?!”

 

I don’t even know why I even bother to reply to you

Your hurricane couldn’t even stir up a stew

No doubt it was cooked up by a Khazar Jew

Or with your witch’s stick when you flew

I’ll be turning ya all black ‘n’ blue

With my Crash Test that’s good ‘n’ true

 

You’ve got nothing but “cars made toast”

But wait-a-ya-getta-load of my wee roast

And that ain’t even a boast

When I say “Crash Test”, you turn ghost

But come along ‘cause I’m your host

Let’s test to see who’s got the most

I’ll be speakin’ truth from coast to coast

So throw your books back in the post

 

********************************
Epic Rap Battle of Truthers –
Who won? Who’s next?

***************************

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