Epic Truther Rap Battle: Dr. David Griscom vs. Professor Jim Al-Khalili

Epic Truther Rap Battle: Dr. David Griscom vs. Professor Jim Al-Khalili


Rap D.J.: “O.K. everyone, this Epic Truther Rap Battle Competition is now getting serious. We’ve just had Steve De’ak verses Channel 4. Very nice, very nice. Pretty good, pretty good. Hip hop 101. Hey David Griscom! It’s your turn. Do ya thing! Yo, DJ spin da music. Epic Rap Battle begin!”

[David Griscom begins:]


Oh Professor Jim Al-Khalili

Won’t ya come an’ rap battle wid me?

It’ll be better than sippin’ ya tea

In the queen’s gallery

Admirin’ your OBE

Join the Hall of Fame with da truther family

Make the destroyers of your country

Go to hell an’ pay a heavy penalty

Help the land of the blind to see

Like a goodie Muzzie Ummee, Mahdi

Listen to the words of ma poetry

Hear me heartfelt plea

Me ole hearty

Don’t be lost at sea

Endorse ma shockwave theory


‘cause it’s makin’ most people weary –

They’re sayin’: “We ain’t listenin’, so speak to da hand

They don’t understand –

That it’s da key to bringin’ justice to da land

So lend me a hand

Rap with me an’ ma band

Let’s make a final stand

Against Iraq’s destruction an’ loss

Be da boss –

Even if most Muslims don’t give a toss

They ain’t listenin’ to 9/11 truth

It’s like they’re permanently stuck in “The Matrix” phone booth

Waitin’ for a “Plane Crash Test” superhero sleuth  

I’m a gonna hit the roof

‘cause I got all da proof they need

So Muslims should stop smokin’ da weed

An’ for once in their life do a good deed

The Muslim Ummah is in need –

Torn apart by sectarian strife an’ greed

So follow ma lead

I’ll show ya the way to heaven

With ma Truth Jihadi homie Kevin

We’re gettin’ rid of da 28 Page load

Uncoverin’ the real truth behind 9/11 –

Like Larry Silverstein’s ‘pullin’ of Building 7

You’re ma intellectual equal

Most other people are brainless and dull

Nothin’ rings true in their thick skull

You and I understand each other

You’re ma physics homie, ma brother

It’s just you an’ I

So let’s teach these mother homies to fly!


How could ya just leave me standin’

Alone in a world that’s so cold?

Maybe I’m just too demandin’

Maybe I’m just like ma father too old…

This is what it sounds like when the doves cry:

Waah ha, ha ho, Waah ha, ha ho,

Waah ha, ha ho…


[Professor Jim Al-Khalili replies:]

Shut up! Stop cryin’ all over da place

I’m da Prince, I got “slave” written on ma face

The so-called ‘free’ world’s a disgrace

I’m not lettin’ go of ma OBE

I’m holdin’ on to it firmly

Keepin’ ma job in Surrey

Teachin’ at University

So don’t look at me, or ma family tree

Just ‘cause I’m English an’ Iraqi

Don’t tell me I gotta see

‘bout slavery verses equality

An’ 9/11 truth to save humanity

I’d rather study a buzzy bee

Than endorse your “shockwave” theory

It’s such a bore –

Like listenin’ to a rap battle between Steve Deak an’ Channel 4

I’ve got a lion in ma pocket an’ it’s ready to roar

Ma science will punch ya to the floor

It’s hotter than the sun’s core

I explain physics with the BBC on T.V.

With cups of sugar and coffee

I’m a hip ole daddy

In every coffee shop

I can hip hop, be pop

Dance, dance, dance

‘Till ya drop, drop, drop

Yo, yo, I make a wicked cuppa co-co

I’m like the dancin’ god Shiva,

Bringin’ death to strife

I like ta welcome ya all to ma life –

The Jim Al-Kalili Show

Physics is ma ammo

With a wicked cuppa cappuccino –

An’ co-co

I go with the flow

I know what I know

When ya gotta go, ya gotta go

I’m the king of physics

You’re just playin’ with magic tricks

I dance ‘n’ sing like da King of Pop:

Who gave you the right to shoot ma OBE?

Who gave you the right to shoot ma country? –

She needs me!

Who gave ya the right to take ma family tree?

Who gave ya the right to single out just me? –

Just ‘cause I is a frickin’ Iraqi?

Are ya really tryin’ ta set me free? –

Or are you da ghost of jealousy?

The frickin’ ghost of jealousy!

Keep your Evil Eye off me

Ya stupid ‘ho’ for the illuminati

Ya frickin’ ghost of jealousy!

Da frickin’ ghost of jealousy!

        Dangerous, this ‘ho’ is so dangerous

Take away ma money,

Throw away ma life

Ya can take ma money

But ya know damn well

I ain’t givin’ up ma OBE

It’s stayin’ wid me

Let it be,

Or pay a big fee

Ya stupid ghost of jealousy!

Hee, hee! Hee, hee!

Ya stupid ghost of jealousy

Get the point? Let’s dance!


Sorry Dave,

Your “shockwave” ain’t the rave

When you’re a slave

Stuck in Plato’s shadow cave

Your “shockwave” theory ain’t brave

There’s no “shock ‘n’ awe” anymore

So go kiss da queen’s ass an’ behave

Say goodbye an’ give me a wave

Don’t burst ma bubble

Wid toil ‘n’ trouble

What does it matter anyway?

Iraq’s been reduced to rubble ‘n’ clay

All’s well that ends o.k.

So I’ll end this rap with a:

“Thank you, but have a nice day”

I’m off to pray

With ma homie Arnie Schwarzenigga

So hasta la vista ‘till Judgment Day!






Michael Jackson’s “Ghosts” Music Video:


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