Satirical News Report
Groups representing the rights of the Neanderthals have announced they are planning to sue Dr Kevin Barrett (for suggestions made in his “Veterans Today” news articles on the internet) that they might be in any shape or form like the war criminal Tony Blair.
A draft of the lawsuit says many Neanderthals’ good reputations have been ruined by the malicious publication of false and defamatory accusations by Dr Barrett, that they are like war criminals such as Blair and Bush.
In response, Dr Barrett defended his accusations but appeared to back away from direct claims that a Neanderthal might be like Tony Blair:
“Obviously I can understand Neanderthals being a bit upset by being compared to war criminals like Tony Blair, but the suit is without merit and I stand by my reporting,” the former college professor said.
However, one prominent member of the Neanderthal family broke their months-long silence on Monday to talk about the devastating effect the accusations against them have had:
“We have had to endure the trauma of being smeared in public as a monster,” the Neanderthal said at a news conference. “Our lives have been destroyed by the defamation we have suffered by being compared to Blair – this will last a lifetime and in all likelihood smear our children’s lives too.”
The writ for libel also says the former professional college lecturer has “spitefully destroyed Neanderthal reputation by publicly claiming Neanderthals are like Tony Blair, in an attempt to capitalize financially in the wake of the realisation by most people that Mr Blair is a sly, calculating, self-obsessed war-monger who is also quite clearly a bit of a slimy sleaze ball too.”