HRH writes to Steve De’ak!

steve-deak

FAO: Steve De’ak

Dear Steve,

 

It has come to my attention that you look just like James Bond (the Sean Connery sean-007version). For some time now, I have been seeking a new James Bond character for my next London Olympics helicopter stunt – you may have seen my last one as it had millions of views on YouTube alone. I had previously wished to recruit Dennis Cimino for the role because of his experience as a pilot, but now that he has gone AWOL and doesn’t reply to any e-mails, it doesn’t seem likely now that he can – besides, what’s the point of being an undercover agent when everyone knows you’re a ‘spook’ – who once worked for the infamous spook house “Veterans Today”.  

 

I think Steve that you are a real good candidate for the role and I hope to hear from you soon. Just between you, your fellow truthers and I, please note that I too am a secret “truther” but I must not let anyone know for obvious reasons. Otherwise “The Powers That Be” may do a Diana on me. They hate any blue blood showing any sympathy to the descendants of Ishmael.  Just look what they did to Stephen Phillips just because he was an Arab sympathiser/truther working for the Queensland Symphony Orchestra.  If they do THAT to a truther working for “Queensland”, I’d hate to think what they’d do to HRH the Queen herself if she ever came out as a truther.  Perish the thought!  I think I’ll just remain a closet ‘truther’ for now, and have you do all my good undercover work for me. 

 

I shall call you “007” from now on. Don’t worry too much if (like Hillary Clinton) you don’t have the stamina to even climb a few steps, because I’m just grateful that you don’t have bad teeth like Austin Powers. Your Sean Connery lookalike features more than make up for any lack of physical prowess. In any case, if I ever feel threatened I never rely on bodyguards, as I just shape-shift into my true reptilian form – it sure scared the bejesus outta Putin – Hee, hee. 🙂

 

Please don’t take too long to consider my job offer. All you have to do is help me jump out of a helicopter for my next Olympics stunt. The hourly pay rate for the job is, unfortunately, just below the national minimum wage – because ever since that horrible fire at Windsor Castle, I have struggled to pay for my lavish lifestyle of luxury.

 

Best wishes,

 

HRH Queen of England

 

 

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